Where to even start?

10 years of pictures, documents, books, toys, dishes, clothes, trinkets, linens, memories...
Then, of course, there is the general mess, dust, grime, lizard poop, broken pieces, and forgotten papers that have acculumulated that need to be dealt with. Where do I even start? I gaze around our home at all the "stuff" and then look at the trunks and duffle bags that can accompany us on the airplane. How do I fit our lives in those trunks? How do I say "no" yet again to one of the children as they plead "please, Mommy, this is my most favorite, most important.... PLEASE don't make me leave this here forever." Sigh. More toys and books go in those trunks than is probably wise, more adult items get removed to make way. I keep gazing at this place that has been home for a decade. I see the rooms where the kids have made so many milestones, their first steps, first words, first long arguments. I pass by the gash in the kitchen floor Kev made with the panga so long ago when he killed the cobra. I swipe another cobweb from a door that one time held the beloved Johnny Jump Up baby holder that gave me so many needed moments of sanity during each kids early years. I look around the tv room and remember the fright of Louisa's last seizure, as well as all the movies we have watched as a family or couple trying to keep a little bit of America fresh in our minds and hearts. Yes, the stove is too small, the frig never seems to stay cold enough, lizards roam the walls and poop in annoying places, the shower is always cold and we have to constantly watch the sun to make sure we have enough electricity BUT this place is home. And now we are leaving.
To be sure we are glad to have a chance to rest this next year, to be renewed spiritually, physically and emotionally. We are excited about the comforts of American living and of seeing so many friends and family that we have missed terribly during our time here. And yet, their is a deep grief and sorrow.
In between packing and the normal amount of work it takes to survive here, we are also spending time meeting with folks who have just heard the news of our departure and want to just come and sit with us. The constant closure conversations are healthy but no less emotionally difficult as we express our love for the people of this place again and again, balanced with the need to return to the States to rest and to discern God's will for the next part of our life's journey. Everyone has been so gracious, so caring that we have been both encouraged and full of tears. Even now, on Sunday afternoon a large group of women has just arrived to greet and to say goodbye. The paradox of life here continues, heartache and joy. Priviledge and sacrifice. More later.