A few days ago we went to the park that just re-opened right around the corner from our house. It is a wonderful place. There is a big grassy playing area for soccer or baseball, stadium like seating "grass style" on the hill, a fence protecting little wanderers from the road and a varied assortment of normal playground equipment at the far end. We love going to the park and hanging out. When we arrived a few days ago there were quite a bit more children than there had been on the other mornings and Joe and Louisa took off to play in a semi-large group of kids. Kev and I trotted off with the twins to the far end to play on the sliding board.
A while later, Louisa ran over all flushed with exertion, very happy and exclaimed.... "Finally, I found some Africans to play with!" Hmmmm. So we sat there on the park bench as I corrected her notion that these kids had also just flown in.
She looked shocked and said, "Oh! So you don't think these kids have ever been to Africa?"
"No, probably not. But their ancestors once lived in Africa and then they came here, so these kids are Americans just like you, but with an African heritage. So instead of saying they are Africans, you would say they are African-Americans."
She still looked thoughtful as she ran back over to re-join the game.
Today, she was reading a story about Walter Mosley and how he came to write his first mystery novel. Alice Walker was his inspiration. As she continued to read she came across the words "African-American" again. She paused and looked at me.
"Do you remember what this means?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes.
"It means that person or that person's family or ancestors came from Africa, but they now live in America, so they are kind of both."
"How can you tell if a person is African-American?"
A very lengthy pause as she stares out the window.
"Welllllll, sometimes that person has darker skin. But not always."
"What do you mean?"
At this point she stares straight into my eyes (no small thing with Louisa) and with great confidence says, "Well Mom, that's what I am, and just look at me. You can't always tell."
Well, good to know that she, at least, is not dealing with compartmentalization issues.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Compartmentalization
"So what are you doing now?" As more of our community here welcomes us back, this seems to be the most popular question. Our long absence unbroken by a previous year long furlough (only shorter quick visits-- or long maternity confinements) makes this time feel and look unfamiliar to many of those who love and support us. What does one actually do on furlough or Home Ministry Assignment (HMA) anyway? As we try to answer that very question for others, we realize that we are also grappling to answer that for ourselves.
For now, we are homeschooling the kids together. Enjoying them, their brilliance and their emotional, stubborn sides as we guide them through the learning process as defined by the NC end of year goals. It's a fun way to spend several hours each day. While this limits the time Kev and I have to converse, to pray, to study... we know that it is the right thing for our family. The conversations that flow as we spend lot's of time getting to know our children are priceless and helpful as we look towards the bigger issues of our future plans.
We're reading lot's of world view challenging books, studying scripture individually and in small groups within our home church. Plugging in where we can and in general enjoying being back in Durham.
After years of being "a world away" both geographically and emotionally, we are comfortably settling back into our families and their lives. Weddings, anniversaries, even phone conversations are not things to be taken for granted. We know the sacrifice of not attending those, of missing not only important milestones but also just the everyday grind in our loved ones lives. As we would say in Bundibugyo, "we are available" and our family and friends are "available to us."
Of course I'm beginning to have Sydney Bristo moments. My life for the last number of years has been carefully compartmentalized. Like a chameleon, I step off the plane and adapt to whichever culture I'm faced with. I have my more current Bundibugyo life, and my previous America life. Both separate. Before, this has been pretty easy to regulate. After all, we have just popped over for visits, long enough to run out to Wal-mart and Sam's to load up the requisite number of trunks, and in general sipped from the fire hydrant of American living for a brief period of time. After too short conversations with friends and family we've hopped back on yet another transatlantic flight. Sure, I can describe my life in Bundibugyo to my friends while I'm in America... but I can't feel it. I can't see the subtle and not so subtle ways I've changed because of it. I'm far too busy remembering how to "Be American."
My prayer during our ten week camping adventure was to allow the process of decompartmentalization to begin. To somehow merge the two me's back together. Okay, I realize this sounds a bit schizo. But what I'm really trying to get at is the self recognition that our time in Bundibugyo has changed me, in some ways radically so. And I would really like to live out of that changed reality rather than revert back to the American me that I was before or the more "out of touch with America" missionary me that is so easy to hide behind.
For now, we are homeschooling the kids together. Enjoying them, their brilliance and their emotional, stubborn sides as we guide them through the learning process as defined by the NC end of year goals. It's a fun way to spend several hours each day. While this limits the time Kev and I have to converse, to pray, to study... we know that it is the right thing for our family. The conversations that flow as we spend lot's of time getting to know our children are priceless and helpful as we look towards the bigger issues of our future plans.
We're reading lot's of world view challenging books, studying scripture individually and in small groups within our home church. Plugging in where we can and in general enjoying being back in Durham.
After years of being "a world away" both geographically and emotionally, we are comfortably settling back into our families and their lives. Weddings, anniversaries, even phone conversations are not things to be taken for granted. We know the sacrifice of not attending those, of missing not only important milestones but also just the everyday grind in our loved ones lives. As we would say in Bundibugyo, "we are available" and our family and friends are "available to us."
Of course I'm beginning to have Sydney Bristo moments. My life for the last number of years has been carefully compartmentalized. Like a chameleon, I step off the plane and adapt to whichever culture I'm faced with. I have my more current Bundibugyo life, and my previous America life. Both separate. Before, this has been pretty easy to regulate. After all, we have just popped over for visits, long enough to run out to Wal-mart and Sam's to load up the requisite number of trunks, and in general sipped from the fire hydrant of American living for a brief period of time. After too short conversations with friends and family we've hopped back on yet another transatlantic flight. Sure, I can describe my life in Bundibugyo to my friends while I'm in America... but I can't feel it. I can't see the subtle and not so subtle ways I've changed because of it. I'm far too busy remembering how to "Be American."
My prayer during our ten week camping adventure was to allow the process of decompartmentalization to begin. To somehow merge the two me's back together. Okay, I realize this sounds a bit schizo. But what I'm really trying to get at is the self recognition that our time in Bundibugyo has changed me, in some ways radically so. And I would really like to live out of that changed reality rather than revert back to the American me that I was before or the more "out of touch with America" missionary me that is so easy to hide behind.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Double Trouble
High heels, hamsters, Noggin and WIC...where to even start?
We have landed firmly, warmly but definitely not quietly on Englewood Ave! Our family and friends at Blacknall and Science and Math have gone all out to make sure that this house feels more like home than we thought possible. Everything from sofas and plush chairs, fans and lamps, to hamster cages and a fish tank have been graciously given to us. We even have enough bookshelves to fully unpack our books! As all of life seems right now, the generosity pulsing around us in prayer and support is overwhelmingly wonderful. And we are grateful, so grateful to return to the States and be enveloped in such loving care. We are learning slowly but surely to breathe deeply and just rest, to allow the last 10 years of life in BGO to swirl around us in memories powerful and painful, poignant and provoking. We are trusting the process of quietly trusting the Lord to re-grow a passion for what He would have us do, not only next year but here and now, in this place.
As for our children... Joe and Nate aged significantly by shaving their heads (although Nate immediately asked to have his hair put back on!) within days of our arrival. Savannah declared that under NO circumstances was she going to wear a dress to church. Louisa grew several inches overnight and is just as beautiful as ever. We have discovered the preschool channel "Noggin" and have realized the need to set limits on TV viewing in a home with no solar panels and thus unlimited "grid" electricity.
Nate and Savannah are growing more than ever into the cliche of double trouble. In the last few days they have liberated the hamsters. "But Mommy, da hamsters needed to SEE me! I like dim SO MUCH!" We managed to re-capture one, but Lightening, Joe's hamster, has made good her escape and is living under the floorboards in the kid's closet. Last night we heard her moving, chewing and generally making a lot of noise above our heads and then down the inside of one wall. Sigh. So much for the redemption of rodents this year. Kev is trying hard not to glare at me with every scurry. We do have a food bowl strategically placed to try and lure Lightening back to the comfort of her hamster paradise condo. I'm trying not to envision a population explosion of white furry hamsters in our walls. Yikes.
The twins are also fascinated by the hardwood staircase that connects the upstairs bedrooms to the rest of the house. They run down it, hop up it, go up and down backwards and push their toys from the top to a deafening crash at the bottom. Until yesterday this was not too problematic (although I did say earlier that as a household we aren't very quiet!). But yesterday, the dynamic duo adorned in pink plastic high heel princess shoes decided to chase each other down those same stairs. Kev and I heard the thump, thump, thump, tumble, tumble, scream, tumble, crash and were dashing through the house immediately. We caught Nate as he hit the bottom step. Savannah managed to stop her fall halfway. Both were shaken up, Nate has a good sized bump on his forehead and vowed not to wear "deese nice shoes" on the stairs again. Savannah spent the rest of the morning re-enacting the fall for anyone who would watch in slow motion. "fiwst, I went down like dis, den my shoulder went like dis..." Has this diminished their love for the stairs? Not one bit. But they are very wary of those pink high heels.
Nate and Savannah both qualify for WIC (Women, Infants and Children) a welfare program for low-income families to help with the cost of milk, juice, cheese, cereal, eggs, peanut butter and beans. It was both surreal and familiar to sit in a packed waiting area for 3 hours with other mothers and families, as we were weighed, measured, pricked, counseled and evaluated. Everyone was very nice, both English and Spanish intermingled as moms and other caregivers jostled babies, toddlers and older children while waiting for their number to be called. Joe and Louisa managed to find two empty seats and curled up to read their library books, while Kev and I chased and entertained Nate and Savannah. Our welfare system is that strange mixture of organized chaos, with definite guidelines and rules but managed (at least in the Durham office) by compassionate doctors and helpful administrators. It reminded me of BGO... once I was that person measuring, weighing and handing out help. Now, like much in life these days, I'm on the flip side.
I'll save my reflections on potty training twins for another time, for now I'll just say that peer pressure can be a good thing. Then again, so can chocolate chips.
We have landed firmly, warmly but definitely not quietly on Englewood Ave! Our family and friends at Blacknall and Science and Math have gone all out to make sure that this house feels more like home than we thought possible. Everything from sofas and plush chairs, fans and lamps, to hamster cages and a fish tank have been graciously given to us. We even have enough bookshelves to fully unpack our books! As all of life seems right now, the generosity pulsing around us in prayer and support is overwhelmingly wonderful. And we are grateful, so grateful to return to the States and be enveloped in such loving care. We are learning slowly but surely to breathe deeply and just rest, to allow the last 10 years of life in BGO to swirl around us in memories powerful and painful, poignant and provoking. We are trusting the process of quietly trusting the Lord to re-grow a passion for what He would have us do, not only next year but here and now, in this place.
As for our children... Joe and Nate aged significantly by shaving their heads (although Nate immediately asked to have his hair put back on!) within days of our arrival. Savannah declared that under NO circumstances was she going to wear a dress to church. Louisa grew several inches overnight and is just as beautiful as ever. We have discovered the preschool channel "Noggin" and have realized the need to set limits on TV viewing in a home with no solar panels and thus unlimited "grid" electricity.
Nate and Savannah are growing more than ever into the cliche of double trouble. In the last few days they have liberated the hamsters. "But Mommy, da hamsters needed to SEE me! I like dim SO MUCH!" We managed to re-capture one, but Lightening, Joe's hamster, has made good her escape and is living under the floorboards in the kid's closet. Last night we heard her moving, chewing and generally making a lot of noise above our heads and then down the inside of one wall. Sigh. So much for the redemption of rodents this year. Kev is trying hard not to glare at me with every scurry. We do have a food bowl strategically placed to try and lure Lightening back to the comfort of her hamster paradise condo. I'm trying not to envision a population explosion of white furry hamsters in our walls. Yikes.
The twins are also fascinated by the hardwood staircase that connects the upstairs bedrooms to the rest of the house. They run down it, hop up it, go up and down backwards and push their toys from the top to a deafening crash at the bottom. Until yesterday this was not too problematic (although I did say earlier that as a household we aren't very quiet!). But yesterday, the dynamic duo adorned in pink plastic high heel princess shoes decided to chase each other down those same stairs. Kev and I heard the thump, thump, thump, tumble, tumble, scream, tumble, crash and were dashing through the house immediately. We caught Nate as he hit the bottom step. Savannah managed to stop her fall halfway. Both were shaken up, Nate has a good sized bump on his forehead and vowed not to wear "deese nice shoes" on the stairs again. Savannah spent the rest of the morning re-enacting the fall for anyone who would watch in slow motion. "fiwst, I went down like dis, den my shoulder went like dis..." Has this diminished their love for the stairs? Not one bit. But they are very wary of those pink high heels.
Nate and Savannah both qualify for WIC (Women, Infants and Children) a welfare program for low-income families to help with the cost of milk, juice, cheese, cereal, eggs, peanut butter and beans. It was both surreal and familiar to sit in a packed waiting area for 3 hours with other mothers and families, as we were weighed, measured, pricked, counseled and evaluated. Everyone was very nice, both English and Spanish intermingled as moms and other caregivers jostled babies, toddlers and older children while waiting for their number to be called. Joe and Louisa managed to find two empty seats and curled up to read their library books, while Kev and I chased and entertained Nate and Savannah. Our welfare system is that strange mixture of organized chaos, with definite guidelines and rules but managed (at least in the Durham office) by compassionate doctors and helpful administrators. It reminded me of BGO... once I was that person measuring, weighing and handing out help. Now, like much in life these days, I'm on the flip side.
I'll save my reflections on potty training twins for another time, for now I'll just say that peer pressure can be a good thing. Then again, so can chocolate chips.
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